Will we do something? (When power is abusive.)

I found a recent comment about current revelations of abuse of power quite alarming. Many people have been harmed and abused by this abuse of power. The person said this, “Nothing will be done! Nothing! The people and the institutions will not be held accountable, and they will suffer no consequences. A new political party won’t even help. Neither will any protests or letters do anything. New policies and laws will not be written and passed. The power structure that birthed this abusive space will not do anything about these abuses. They will not right the wrongs. The whole system needs to be dismantled and completely revamped. That’s the only way forward.”

So, if we are sitting in situations around our world where this is often the outcome, then we need a way forward even if the system is not dismantled. When there is too much power and a power imbalance is created, we will very often see abuse happening. It’s just too easy for the person with more power to take advantage of the person with less power. Sometimes these imbalances already exist and sometimes they are created by wider powerful circles. It’s not that having power is the problem; it’s what people choose to do with their power. We see many examples where power is used for good. But it seems when there is an unending acquisition of increased power, that greed and dominion come into the picture, and then we have a big problem.

When power goes unchecked, its natural progression is often to become abusive.

What does this unchecked power look like?
There is no accountability. There are no boundaries, limitations or constraints placed on the actions and decisions of people. There is secrecy, mistrust, lies, blaming, shame, control, corruption, stealing, exploitation, abuse, greed, murder, threats, coercion, manipulation, blackmail, extortion and cover up. The person or organization with unchecked power is ‘untouchable’ and believes they are ‘above the law’.

When abuse happens close to dominating power these things happen:
Any vulnerabilities are taken advantage of and there is exploitation of the person. There is great unfairness and the rules are not the same for everyone. Some people get to be treated way better than other people. It is obvious that there is a complete lack of concern for those not deemed as important. Arrogance often leads the way. There is no empathy or compassion. We see callousness, heartlessness and immorality. Gaslighting is common, which leaves people questioning their sanity and wondering if what happened really happened. Stories make no sense; they sound unbelievable and confusing. This is very deliberate on the part of those who are abusing and exploiting others. There is often ridicule and further abuse. There is maligning of the victim’s character and there is silencing by the abuser and society. Because the person is broken down and made to feel complicit in their own abuse, the chances of disclosure are low. There is also real danger that the threats will be realized, and so the threats of harm to the victim or their family members keep them silenced. If someone does gain the courage to speak to someone, they are often not believed, ignored and dismissed. All of this is completely repugnant, sordid and unacceptable with the outright disrespect for human dignity. It is always shocking and heartbreaking.

Any failure or mistake on the part of the abuser is ‘managed’ by them or someone else. Things are explained away and the harm/abuse is validated. Power is protected from any correction. Authority and the structures around it are preserved and not examined. They cannot be questioned and there is always denial. Things are swept under the carpet and there is always ‘cover up’. The root of harm is not dug up and exposed. Power rallies around power to protect at all costs. Abusive power structures sometimes use the language of justice and progress to protect themselves instead of others. There are always deliberate distractions and new made-up stories. There is deliberate training of people to accept this as the norm. Murder is the greatest silencer

We see it repeatedly. With the most recent reveal of more of the Epstein files, it’s all over our newsfeeds. Unchecked power leads to abuse on multiple levels. Too many are repeatedly falling into this trap. The trap is set for everyone, not just the victim. We all become victims in this ‘game’, unless we ourselves take some accountability. Sexual grooming and gaining trust start with the community and then the family and then the child. We fail children if we as a community and as family members are not awake to these schemes. And this is not meant to be shaming. It is an insidious trick and it’s easy to fall prey to it. There are masterminds behind the veil. They know what works. They know how to exploit vulnerabilities. They know how to keep our eyes closed or averted to what is going on. They know how to silence and cover up their tracks.

This level of power will always protect its’ power first over the victims of its’ abusive actions. So, people caught up in the system of abuse are literally thrown under the bus. People will find when they get too close to this level of power, they will either join it for their own protection, or they will get eaten alive by it.

We cannot allow this to carry on and for us to keep being caught off guard, unaware and unprepared. The good news is, we can absolutely do something about it.

I am the founder of the NPO, Pilot My Future and Child Protection is at the heart of a lot of what we do. I teach and train others in Protective Behaviours as one of our courses we offer at Pilot My Future. It is basically personal body safety skills to give you a brief description, but it’s so much more than that. No institution, school or family is immune to the potential of abuse happening in your sphere. Abuse can happen anywhere.  All children, youth and adults can benefit from Protective Behaviours and I believe with this knowledge we have answers for societal issues like Gender Based Violence, Addiction, Bullying and Child Abuse. It is heartbreaking when we see the levels of child abuse in our world. I have found the course to be life changing in that it provides a framework for how to stay as safe as possible in this very unsafe world. It mostly deals with feelings of safety because unfortunately no one can absolutely guarantee our physical safety. But the skills are to help us to listen to our bodies and react to what our bodies are saying. Sometimes things will happen and then we teach children and teens where to go and get the help they need. We teach them about their feelings, to understand what is going on and why they are responding in certain ways. This gives them language and helps them to verbalise what is happening in their lives and also how to self-regulate their feelings too. There are so many benefits in this programme. Although we teach these concepts to children and teens, Child Protection is still in the hands of adults and Child Protection is everyone's business.

I have come to realise how very important choice, control and consent are. They empower us and allow us to act when we feel unsafe. When they are removed we are disempowered, vulnerable and unsafe. We teach that we all have the right to feel safe at all times. That means if I have that right, so does the person next to me. We can keep each other safe. We can look out for the more vulnerable in society. The message is for all. There are no exclusions. We are all deserving of safety and protection. Real community provides safety networks. There are people we can choose to go and chat with when we are feeling unsafe and we can get the help we need. There are multiple conversations that are had during our training of practitioners where we unpack societal issues that compromise safety. We have in-depth discussions on sexual grooming and abuse and discuss multiple solutions for a safer way forward.

A few years ago, my husband and I were sitting on our verandah on a hot summer night and a fairly decent sized spider launched off the ceiling in front of us. She got very busy and later when we came back outside, we saw her beautifully spun orb web. There she sat, peacefully in the middle of her web. She had done her job of spinning her sticky web and now she was waiting for the first unsuspecting prey to be caught in her web and provide her with supper. In that moment I was reminded that this is exactly what sexual grooming can look like. Those looking to exploit others set the scene, look for vulnerabilities in others and then start taking steps to draw children and teens into their sticky web. They wait for someone to walk right into that web, often without seeing it first, and to get stuck and trapped, and they then move forward with their planned abuse strategies.

We need as much, if not more, effort, skill and opportunity to create a counter web of safety. There needs to be a masterful plan in place to combat the insidious nature of sexual grooming and abuse. We need this counter web to be about caring what happens to people who could be vulnerable to exploitation and to use their power for the betterment of all. We need real deep dive conversations about vulnerabilities. Some of them are personal and some are systemic. Both have solutions if we all work together for the good of everyone.

Creating the Counter web:

Be on guard. Be aware. Be prepared

Many conversations with communities, families, children and youth.

Repetition. Repetition. Repetition.

Build into wholesome character and values. These will stand in direct opposition to the flawed character and values in unchecked, abusive power.

There is no secrecy. Transparency is imperative.

No blame and shame.

Choice, control and consent available without conditions.

Respect and dignity shown to all. No-one is better than anyone else.

A whole lot of honesty, humility and accountability.

Education with courses like Protective Behaviours.

Looking at and being aware of vulnerabilities.

Coaching and empowerment to overcome vulnerabilities.

When we see something as adults, we say something, and we report to the relevant authorities.

Speaking up. This takes bravery and courage. Just one person speaking up and sharing what has been going on often gives others the courage to do the same. There are always others involved. The power of one must never be underestimated. Protective Behaviours encourages sharing with someone you have chosen on your safety network.

To end off, I feel great hope rise within me when I see some solutions that are within easy reach of us all. We all get to play a part in making our world a better and safer place for all. In the process we are also a part of dismantling unchecked and abusive power systems if we keep removing the people that they would use and abuse for their benefit. By standing in the gap for others, we get to throw many spikes in the wheels of injustice. And I am under no illusions that we sit with a massive problem. It can be overwhelming, but we need to do what we can. It's one child/teen, and it's one child/teen at a time. That is always doable. We would like to see injustice come to a grinding halt in our world. Let's balance the scale towards justice. Now that’s something to get excited about. Let’s do this.

Pictures are AI generated.